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20 Magic Swords

These are all the magic swords in the world.

  1. Munemasa: -2 Sword. The wielder takes 1d6 damage from insults. If they roll a natural 20 they cut their own head off. The head stays alive and can swim like a fish and engage in underwater-biting-combat.
  2. Excalipoor: Only deals 1 damage. Whoever takes the sword’s father is proved to be Gunther Bendragging, king of a shit piece of land in the middle of fuckwhere. You will sleepwalk to your domain every night if you are away from it
  3. Child Killer: +3 vs human children. -1 against everything else.
  4. Durandall: +1 sword. Whoever holds the sword feels immense power flow through them, like the golden light of God himself. Very fragile, breaks after 1 attack.
  5. Bateman Sword: The sword can be fed French toast to grow arms and legs for up to 10 minutes and fight independently. While doing so the blade is sentient and reminds its owner to “call your dad!” repeatedly, regardless of their present relationship to their father.
  6. Ice Cream Sword: +1 Sword. The sword may be licked 5 times to heal 1d6 HP. Each day spent in the sun reduces this count by 1. At 0 the sword melts.
  7. Forgetter: +2 Sword. After it lands a blow on a particular creature it forgets how it did it, and cannot land further blows.
  8. Bully PS2: +1 Sword. Makes the wielder feel terrible about themselves with insults. The wielder loses 1 Charisma every week. At 0 Charisma even their mother no longer loves them and their spouse would rather makeout with a screwdriver than even look at their absolutely rizzless body.
  9. Damocles: +5 Sword. If the wielder kills a creature with this weapon then they are doomed to die in one week—the sword will take their neck, then go inside the stump and be reborn as Baby. The 'e' in the name is silent.
  10. Baby: -2 sword. A little short sword with a pink bow that grows when it spills blood. Every time you kill 10 creatures add +1 to the sword. Once it reaches +1, Baby gets an attitude and will disobey your orders on a 1-in-6. At +2 Baby gets Girlfriend, which you must wield in your other hand or else Baby will try to kill you. At +3 Baby and Girlfriend move out and start a family.
  11. Girlfriend: +1 Sword. If you have Baby then Girlfriend hates you for controlling them and will drip mayo all over your clothes and make you trip and fall on mayo on a 1-in-6 every 10 minutes. If you don't have Baby then girlfriend can shoot mayo once per day, as Grease spell.
  12. Grass Sword: -3 Sword. It's made of grass and cannot cut or kill anything, but will force its will on the wielder and fight as if it were highly competent. The sword works its way round the wrist of the wielder and cannot be removed without taking off the whole hand.
  13. Glass Sword: Its reflective surface will capture ill intent and make a duplicate of a monster trying to kill you once per day.
  14. Dishphobia: +1 Sword. The wielder is afraid of dishes and smashes all dishes upon seeing them.
  15. Fatefucker Falcone: The wielder can turn into a disgusting human car. They can take 2 passenger. They are now considered a horrible deviation and are hated by all Clerics and Lawful characters.
  16. Lightbringer: The tip may project a small flame like a lighter for five seconds once per day on a 1-in-6.
  17. Seven Monkeys: +2 Sword. Seven monkeys—one red, one blue, one yellow, two green, one white, and one purple—fused together to become a sword. Each day the sword is used drains 1 Intelligence from the wielder. At 0 Intelligence they become a Monkey Master and return to the jungle.
  18. King Kunta: +1 Sword. The player must play the song King Kunta by Kendrick Lamar at max volume while the sword is drawn.
  19. Wormhole: +1 Sword. When used, the wielder trips and falls on their own skin on a 1-in-6 and ends up in the real world, next to the players.
  20. Magic Sword +1 Sword.