RPGs Suck: Or, Why I'm Doing Other Shit
I've been writing a lot lately. Over the past few weeks I've successfully finished 1-2k words a day on average in prose, and have been writing poetry again for the first time in years. This has been really good! While I've written lots of academic papers and a fair amount of fiction, this is the first time I've been really "serious" about fiction writing.
Part of the reason I started to do this comes down to RPG stuff. Over the last year or so I've found myself getting deeper and deeper into prep and play for RPGs, enough that it began rivalling my main hobby of weightlifting in terms of effort (And far outstripping it in time). I'd be spending 10-20 hours a week on RPG stuff and it got to the point where I asked myself: "Do I really want to be an RPG guy?"
The answer to that is probably no. I like playing RPGs, but it really is about the fun for me. More than the prep, that comes from the people at the table and the cultivation strong communication skills. Being at the table is the thing, and while I'll continue to refine this craft I'd like to do it in a more casual capacity. In contrast, I really do believe in prose and verse as art. I think that writing is perhaps the foremost vehicle for exploring the contradictions and richness of life. There's a type of thickness in the encounter of a text that requires the reader to weave together disparate elements (words, sentences, paragraphs, imagery, etc) into a coherent whole. Literature comes to life in that encounter, and it's in the space between reader and writer that a little truth lives. In all of my academic work I've felt that I've never really able to communicate the little truth of the matter: some bit of the intensity of feeling love, or hate, or fear of the dark. When I play with them, literature and poetry "feel" right on a structural level. There's something there, something real. No one has ever said the thing they want to say by saying it: you've got to be oblique, you've got to play with shadow to get the form right.
RPGs are fuckin' cool, but my enjoyment of them is like that of playing with toys or a good videogame. Recently I've been branching out in my RPG hobby: I want to play at a greater variety of tables with different sorts of play cultures. I am sure there are really cathartic experiences to be had in RPGs, and I would like to have some of those. Regardless, I know that's not the sort of RPG that I'm interested in facilitating or designing. I love the play and creativity of it. I love how live it is; both running and playing provide the thrill of "pulling it off" like you get in sports or theatre.
With my current Devil World Heroes campaign I've been really honing in on the parts I enjoy most. Unfortunately, between illness and other commitments I've not been able to dedicate as much time to prepping DWH as I'd like and yet each session is filled with raucous laughter, inside jokes, and inane schemes. That's the most I can ask of this hobby, and it's where I'd like to focus my efforts. I'd like to focus my effort on the stuff pertinent to play and spend maybe 3-5 hours a week in prep, instead of 10-20. I've grown to love this hobby, but a guy like me has other shit to do.